Tammy Helfrich

Life begins right where you are.

The Secret to a Successful Marriage

You’ve heard the claims.

Do ______ and you’ll have the perfect marriage. Your husband will love you. You will be blissfully happy.

Guess what? I don’t believe there is one answer that works for everyone.

I think there are very important ingredients to a successful marriage. For example, I’ve learned that love and respect are critical for our marriage. But, this is not the case for everyone.

Today, my husband and I have been married for 15 years.

Has there been an underlying theme to why we have continued to stay married?


For us, it has been commitment.

But beyond that, we have also learned together. We’ve adjusted. We’ve grown together.

We have certainly had our share of discontentment. We’ve been unhappy and frustrated and sad.

But we have never stopped being committed to each other.

Even when life was very difficult, we weren’t willing to give up. Even when we really wanted to. We fought for our marriage.

Marriage is not all hearts and roses. It is hard work.

So, what is the secret to a successful marriage?

I believe you need to figure that out with your spouse. Spend time together. Go on dates again. Find alone time to remember who you were before kids or bills or any of the challenges that you are facing that may be impacting your relationship.

If you are struggling in your marriage, please know that you are not alone. There is NO such thing as a perfect marriage, no matter how hard people may try to make it seem that way. But the great news is that you can change it. Little changes make a big difference. And sometimes those little changes need to start with you.

What has helped make your marriage successful?




  1. Congrats!!!!!!! I think our secret is…the three C’s: cookies, compromise and communication. You could put commitment in there too but that’s just copying you, and I won’t do that :)

  2. Congrats on 15 years!!

    My husband and I have been married for five years. We don’t have a secret to success.. we’re working through a difficult patch right now. The one thing we have going for us is commitment. Another is our love for each other.

    My hope and prayer is that God will use our messy marriage to bring hope to someone else’s messy marriage. And, in the end, that He will bring beauty from it all. :)

  3. Communication. My husband and I talk about everything. We’ve created a safe place where we can do that.


  4. Congratulations on 15 years, Tammy! I love this quote: “Find alone time to remember who you were before kids or bills.” Kids and bills and life sure do make us forget to have fun, don’t they? :)

  5. Overlooking an offense. Showing grace. Saying please and thank you. Intentionality. Making time for fun! Serving sacrificially. Dying to self. Over and over again.

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