Tammy Helfrich

Life begins right where you are.

Kids

Having kids is a blessing. I am thankful every day for these amazing human beings that I have the honor of being called their Mom.

What I was not prepared for was the havoc they would impart on our marriage. When our first son was born, it was amazing . We were in awe. We were instantly in love with him. We had never experienced anything like it. We felt closer as a couple. I loved watching my husband with him. It made me fall in love with him all over again.

Baby toes

The responsibilities that come with learning how to be parents, however, can be overwhelming. We had no idea what to do with our baby who would not sleep in his pack n play, crib, bassinett, etc. But we worked through it. It was stressful, but we figured it out.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my husband was struggling somewhat with my attention now being focused on the baby. I wish I would have understood that better, so it would not have spiraled into what it did. He was starting to miss that attention, and I didn’t want to hear about it. I was working full time and losing sleep and every minute was scheduled or consumed. That was the beginning of many more years of drifting apart, which I wrote about here.

We made it through the first year or so okay. I knew our relationship was different, but was so caught up in being a Mom that I forgot to be a good wife.

After our second son arrived, things really got hard. I openly admit that #2 ROCKED my world. I had finally gotten into more of a routine, and now it was absolute chaos! I was tired, stressed out, and didn’t feel like I had one minute of free time for myself, let alone to work on our marriage. Rick started to become hardened to my lack of interest in him, which resulted in us drifting further apart.

I did not realize that he needed things from me that I wasn’t giving him, and in turn he wouldn’t willingly help me above and beyond what was required.

It led to a cycle of feeling very alone. I didn’t realize it because I was getting some of that needed love met by the boys now. I truly was making Rick feel like he wasn’t needed. Which was never true.

We also had some issues creep into our marriage that I was never prepared for. We have sinced worked through those issues, and you will hear more about our journey in the months to come.

What I do know is this. Kids are a gift from God. They will also require you to work harder at your marriage than you ever thought you would have to. But, it’s worth it.

My kids are at a great age right now (5 and 8). The challenges our kids bring change with each milestone they pass. However, what we are continually working on is making sure that our marriage is a priority too, and that we don’t forget that we are a couple first.

I know this is not easy. It was incredibly challenging for us for a long time. But, you will never regret it.

 

2 Comments

  1. Visiting from the Write it, girl link up! What truth you’ve shared here. I have four children (ages 20, 17, 11 and 8). It’s so hard to keep my marriage as a priority sometimes. My children are blessings, but it’s work to stay balanced.

  2. I have so been there and it is a constant battle against the drift. Thank you for reminding me that he needs to be told he is needed.

    So glad you linked up!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

© 2017 Tammy Helfrich

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑